CHAPTER 1
~ THE CALL~
My cousin Leslie told me that the family reunion in 2008 was one that everyone should try to attend, because you never know what can happen from one moment to the next. So, we worked hard to get everyone there from all over. Our family came from New York, Mississippi, Baton Rouge and Napoleonville, La.; young and old alike. I had a bad feeling that someone would not be there for our next reunion, but I tried to ignore that feeling. I should have known better, though, being that this is the same feeling I have had before when things happened in my life. Not one time have those “feelings” ever been wrong. I've had a lot of things to take place in my life. Some good, some bad, but never in a million years did I think I had the strength to endure what God had in store for me in the weeks ahead.
I received a phone call from my mom saying that her doctor was putting her in the hospital for her pain in her side, near the lower area under her right breast. She also said that they would have to run a series of tests, including a biopsy to find out what was going on. I remember her saying her side was hurting a little because she had mentioned it to me while we were at our family reunion. I told her make sure she got it checked out if it continued to hurt badly. Her normal doctor appointment was that Thursday, so she said she would just wait until then. I remember seeing her rub her side, but she never showed any serious discomfort. As I prepared for my trip home the next morning, I kissed her and hugged her tight and said “I love you mommy” and I would see her in a few months, and I was on the road to Dallas.
The ride home was an intense but quiet one. So many things were going through my mind. My friend, Jennifer, affectionately known as J2, came to be by my side. We pulled over a few times, because I began to cry uncontrollably. I needed to know was my mom going to be okay, had her kidney cancer come out of remission? What was really going on? My mom had surgery in March of 2007 to have a mass removed from her kidney. What I didn’t learn until months later, was that the mass she told me she had, was actually cancer. It was a long ride home; I prayed and cried the whole way, because I already knew what the situation was, I just didn’t want to accept it.
As soon as I arrived at home in Dallas, I called my mom to let her know I had made it safely. As always, she was glad to hear my voice told me to be safe and take good care of myself. Later that week after her doctor’s appointment, she was immediately admitted to the hospital. They had given her some pain medication and an IV to keep her comfortable. She said she seemed to feel okay.
When I learned about my mother’s visit to the hospital, I immediately started praying, asking God to heal my mother’s body, because I didn’t think I could handle any more heart ache that year. In January of 2008, I lost my father to Congestive Heart Failure. I started to think back to all the fun times that he and I had when I was just a small girl. My mom always told me that no matter how old I had become, I was always his “little girl”. My father was a remarkable man; very warm hearted, loving, strong and God fearing. I will never forget hearing all of the kind words that family and friends shared about my father. It makes you feel good on the inside to hear wonderful things about your parents. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother or father. God seemed to have broken the mold with them.
My mother wanted to view my father’s body, but I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea. I said that, because my mom is a very affectionate person and I have seen her bend down and kiss her loved ones. I didn’t want any problems at my dad’s funeral with his family, so she stayed behind and watched as I went up to view his body. Her heart ached for me, because she knew what I had to endure just being there.
I wasn’t able to sit with his family at the funeral, so I sat at the back of my father’s church with my mom and the rest of my family. I was terribly humiliated because I shouldn’t have been left behind; no matter what the reason or how my life came to be, I should have been allowed to mourn with the rest of his family, as he was my father, too. He had a beautiful program that had a picture on the front and back. The picture on the back of the program caught my attention first, because, it portrayed “victory”. He was smiling and his hands were in the air, as if he had just won a race. So many wonderful people were there; some of them, I remember from when I was younger. What really hurt was that during my father’s most difficult moments, I wasn’t able to be by his side and care for him. I wanted a chance to do the things that daughter’s should do; and that is to care for her parents. I remember when my father took sick a few years back and was in the hospital. I would go and sit with him at night, because none of his other family would be around. Then, early the next morning, I would go home before anyone came in. It hurt him that things had to be that way, but I had grown accustomed to it. But, as long as I could be there with him, I didn’t care and nothing else mattered.
Nevertheless, my father was not a man of confusion, and neither was I. My mother embraced me as I watched them carry my father to his final resting place. I know my mother was hurting, because my dad was the only man that my mom truly loved. She really didn’t date anyone after him; and it wasn’t a day that passed that my mother didn’t speak highly of my dad.
“Mom, you have to take care of yourself, because you are all I have left”, I told her after we arrived home from the funeral. I remember saying that to her many times, because it was true. She was indeed all I had left-as a parent. She hated to hear those words; I guess now I understand why.
I called the hospital to check on my mom again to make sure she was okay. She said she was fine and that she was ready to go home. Mom hated hospitals, so for her to be there just sitting was really getting on her “last nerve” as she would say. She asked me to come down that weekend because the doctor was coming to speak to the family about the test results. One of my biggest fears was to loose my parents and not be there by their side whenever their time came. I had already missed my father’s passing and I refused to not be by my mother’s side when she received her test results. The next day at work, I told my boss what the situation was. By 3:00pm, we were back on the road to Louisiana.
When J2 and I walked in the hospital room, my mom looked at me with a frown, because she hadn’t met the other Jennifer yet. My mom was very protective of her baby girl. My mother has seen me go through some rough times in relationships and has held me as I cried myself to sleep. She was there to pick me up from the airport when I decided to find love with someone in Cleveland, Ohio, only to be lied to and returned home to nothing. So, for my mother to see another unfamiliar face, was not something on her “to do” list. I saw that my niece, nephews, aunts and my cousins were there with my mom. My aunt Roena hugged us and I went and put my arms around my mom. I just held her in my arms. She said that everything would be okay and don’t worry. I felt my eyes welling with tears, but I couldn’t let her see me cry, because she would get worried. She said she felt okay, just in a little pain from the biopsy but she felt fine. I always paid very close attention to my mother, so when I began to notice her eyes turning a bright yellow, it really began to worry me. My grandmother’s eyes had done the same thing a few days before she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I learned during helping my grandmother that when the bile is backed up in the liver, you develop jaundice; which is the yellowing of the skin. My grandmother, Mollie Wilford, lost her battle to cancer in 1998- 6months and 1 day after she was diagnosed. Somehow, though, it seemed as if history was about to repeat itself.
Just as I was about to tell her about the confusion with my job in Dallas losing one of its major contracts, I heard the room door open. In walked one of the on duty surgeons.
Then an Oncologist walked in. I knew this was not good.
Stay tuned, I just may update another chapter......
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Je'
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